We all have fantasies about what we want to do in life. But the question is, how do we decipher a fantasy from what we want to turn into reality? I’ve often thought about different things that I would like to do, like teach English abroad, make movies, be an interior designer…but I can’t tell if these are things I would actually do, or if I just like to think about them. What propels one to actually carry out an idea rather than just think of it as a fantasy? I think it takes a great deal of perseverance to carry out what you actually want to do. Sometimes it’s easier to settle for something that you might not like quite as much, but is still somewhat enjoyable.
Category Archives: Film
If my life was a movie…
0If my life was a movie, it would only be two hours long.
If my life was a movie, I wouldn’t have to do any real work. It would just appear as if I was doing work…my workday would be 1 minute long.
If my life was a movie, my relationships wouldn’t be real; they would just seem effortless and perfect.
If my life was a movie, there would be music playing in the background during happy and sad moments.
If my life was a movie, I would look perfect all of the time.
If my life was a movie, I would be somewhere else in the world besides Indiana.
If my life was a movie, I would have a fantastic wardrobe.
If my life was a movie, money would be no object.
What is in the minds of others?
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Do you ever wonder what is inside other peoples’ heads? And what you would learn if you could have access to their thoughts – not only their thoughts, but also their perceptions and feelings of things? This seems like a rather obvious thought, but it occurred to me when I saw the new movie, Lincoln. Firstly, Daniel Day Lewis’ performance in the film is extraordinary, which is perhaps why this notion dawned on me during the movie. But what if we could gain insight into what others were thinking? Our lives and our thoughts seem to be so self-centered that sometimes we forget that other people have thoughts, perceptions, and feelings different from our own. And I just think it would be so interesting if we could get a little peek at what those thoughts are…
Fade…
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I recently saw the movie, Beasts of the Southern Wild, and it reminded me that when we are touched or moved by a problem in the world or something that saddens us, it only seems to have an effect on us while we are confronted by it and afterward the effect slowly fades into no effect, or at least not as great as the initial effect. I thought this movie, although not easy or enjoyable to watch because it is so sad, is very good. Seen from the perspective of a young girl, her philosophy on life and death, suffering and courage, is very interesting. It is so sad at times but also so beautiful that it made me cry. Her insight into what life might mean is simple and extraordinary. The saddest part of all, perhaps, is that we are so moved by something like this in the moment, but afterward it fades away and we forget about what bothered us about it in the first place. This is the sad part. We need to try to keep up the feeling of emotion evoked from such things in order to be moved to make a change.
Mad Men
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Have you seen it? It’s pretty incredible.
Although the 5th season just began a couple of weeks ago, I only recently started watching Mad Men this past summer. I gradually began watching it and as I learned of the 5th season starting in March, it was a mad dash to watch the first four seasons in their entirety before the fifth began. As I spent most all of my free time watching Mad Men, I was sad as I approached the end of the fourth season, thinking my intense love affair with Mad Men was about to come to an end. Now that the fifth season has started, it is a bit difficult for me to remain interested in it seeing it so seldom, only once a week, and only one episode at a time. I looooveeeed Mad Men before, so for me to say that is quite a big deal. I still like the show immensely, but there certainly is a difference between watching as much as you want whenever you want, and having to wait one week before seeing the next episode and for only a short time.
That being said, I still believe Mad Men is one of the best shows on television. Perhaps I am biased because I am very drawn to anything regarding the 60s. The style – the clothing and the furniture – drive me crazy! I want to possess all of it. And I mean that in the least greedy way possible. I simply admire the modern design. The characters and the various stereotypes of the time that they represented in the show are fascinating. And as the show has evolved from its beginning until its present state, it is likewise fascinating to see how the characters have developed, namely Don and Peggy. I have really grown fond of and close to the characters, as I feel connected to them even though they are simply fictional characters. I think this phenomenon is quite common, if not universally common to many television shows, films, and literature, and what draws us to these art forms.
I suppose all we can do is see where this new fifth season takes us and hope for the best!
Movie Script
0Something I wrote for a film class this past summer…hopefully I can shoot it sometime.
INT. LIVING/DINING ROOM, KITCHEN – NIGHT.
MICHAEL walks in as MARIANNE is sitting at a table reading the newspaper. He sits down and they start talking.
MICHAEL
You’ve never thought about it?
MARIANNE
Thought about what?
MICHAEL
Whether our actions really have any effect on the outcome. Whether choosing one thing rather than another leads us down one path rather than another. We think our decisions and actions affect our future, but is this just an illusion? Maybe things happen regardless of our intentions. Things are what they are, and our decisions don’t make any difference. You know the philosopher, Wittgenstein…well he argues that, “the world is all that is the case.” That things just happen and our actions don’t make any difference at all.
MARIANNE
Of course I’ve thought about it. I just don’t know exactly what to think of it. I don’t think we can know whether our actions affect the future or not. Because if we act in a certain way and a certain outcome is achieved, how are we to know that the outcome would have been different if we acted in a different way? We can’t really, which is why we just need to act and see what comes of it.
MICHAEL and MARIANNE sip on coffee.
MICHAEL
Sometimes I don’t know what to think at all. Sometimes I feel totally thoughtless. I just can’t think of anything. I want to, but I can’t. What happens when I stop myself from thinking, or something stops me. I wish I could keep thinking but it’s like there is something blocking me from thinking and I don’t know how to overcome it. I feel I am so close to having a really good thought, but the moment passes before I am allowed to have that thought. Does that ever happen to you?
MARIANNE
Yes. I long to capture things. Capture anything. And everything. But is it ever really possible to capture anything before we lose it. But the moment passes, and I wonder if I could ever again have that feeling or have that thought. It saddens me because I wish to recapture it and hold on to it. But it is also reassuring because I know I can have many more of those unique moments where everything is so clear, and each new thought or feeling can be better than the last.
MICHAEL gets up to grab a newspaper and goes back to the table.
MICHAEL
Not all thoughts or feelings are so clear and enlightening. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from my feelings. It’s like I’m not really the one feeling them, but rather I’m watching them being felt from afar. This is very disconcerting. I want to feel my own feelings entirely. Not just halfway, or not at all, but completely. This is actually harder to do than you’d think. Because if you are immersed in yourself, rather than just a bystander, there’s no way out. You are responsible and held accountable for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. If you just watch yourself from afar, you don’t have to worry about being a certain way. But at the same time, you can’t be free either, because you can only be free if you are being yourself entirely.
MARIANNE gets up and sits on couch.
MARIANNE
What about love? If you have such difficulty feeling anything, can you feel love? I mean, what sets love apart? You can love someone, but what if someone else comes along that you may love just as much or more? Is there any difference between them? Or is love love regardless of who it’s for? Or is love for one person different from love for another based on their differences? Is love about you or them? If it’s about you, I suppose love would be the same no matter with who. But if it is about them, I suppose it would be different based on the person you love.
MICHAEL
I don’t want to talk about love. I mean, if I love someone, I want them to be all for me. In general, connecting with people is so hard. I want to connect with them fully or not at all. But only halfway doesn’t seem worth it, it’s so disappointing. To ever connect or love someone fully would be the greatest success. But I don’t think it’s possible.
MARIANNE
I don’t think it’s ever really possible to know what other people feel or think. We know how we feel and what we’re thinking, but that certainly doesn’t mean that’s what someone else is thinking, even though we may think we’re both feeling and thinking the same, and are therefore connected. But this is a false perception of connectedness. We choose how we feel, and not in relation to others because we don’t actually know how others are feeling or what they’re thinking. Therefore, we’re never really connected.
MICHAEL
I wish I cared more. About anything, everything. I think this proves how inherently selfish we are.
MICHAEL gets up and sits in chair next to couch.
MICHAEL
Enough about all this. Everything is so non-existent anyway. And me, being void of feeling, I don’t want to think about it anymore.
MARIANNE
Alright. Let’s talk about shadows.
MICHAEL
Every idea of yours is more bizarre than the last.
MARIANNE
That’s why you love me.
MICHAEL
I thought we already talked about how I can’t feel anything, especially not love.
MARIANNE gets up and walks around.
MARIANNE
Shadows. What are shadows, copies of what they represent, or a separate entity in themselves? They look just like what they represent, but only in form, not in content. They actually don’t really have any content, and they are just forms. So can they be the same? I mean, they can represent the same things, but are they the same?
MICHAEL
Honestly Marianne, what have you been drinking?
MARIANNE goes to kitchen.
MARIANNE
The same thing as you.
MARIANNE smiles.
MICHAEL
Do you ever realize how boring we’ve become? No one wants to spend time with us because we are so boring. People only want to be in your company if you entertain them. Clearly, we are not entertaining. That’s why we don’t have any friends left.
MARIANNE comes back and sits on couch.
MARIANNE
We have friends, and we’re not boring.
MICHAEL
I think it’s us that got bored with them. The problem with having superior interests is that you end up hating everything. And other people become boring.
MARIANNE
Have you ever noticed that thinking about our lives is much better than actually living them. When I think about things that I do, or things in my life, they seem so splendid. But then when I actually do them, or simply live my life, they’re not half as appealing as they were when I thought about them.
MICHAEL
Yes Marianne, you know I feel the same way. Maybe this is the root of our problem. Thinking about things is much better than actually doing things. That’s why we don’t do anything. In fear of acting outrageous, I’m scared to do anything. What does it take to ever just be real, and experience things?
MARIANNE
I think that is a conversation for another time. I’m going to bed, goodnight.
MARIANNE gets up and walks away
MICHAEL
You can’t go to bed until we’ve figured this all out.
MARIANNE looks back and smiles.
MARIANNE
We never will…
Film
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Film is a passion of mine that inspires me to capture images in a way that gracefully represents the world and the lives in it. It allows us to manipulate time and the way in which things happen. This can be unsettling because it suggests that nothing is as it seems or appears, which is certainly true in some if not all instances. On the other hand, it allows for the possibility to create worlds that elude the restrictions of time and place. This is what makes film beautiful and renders it art in a way that no other expression of creativity can.
This past summer I took a film production class and made three short (very short) films. Although not the first time I attempted to create short films, it was the first time I had access to professional equipment and instruction. I had attempted to make a couple little films (music videos) some years back when I was younger and less experienced, and however amateur they were, they propelled my interest of film-making. Therefore I jumped on the opportunity to take a class in which I would learn more refined techniques and be able to use better equipment. The result were two literary and historically inspired silent pieces, which although not perfect by any means, I am quite proud of. As a group project I also made a dialogue scene, which I am less enthusiastic about. But overall, they were so fun to make and certainly would not have been the same without the people in them. I really hope to make some other films, as I enjoy the whole creative, filming, and editing process so much!
I also love watching films, which is perhaps why I became interested in making films. My favorite director is Jean-Luc Godard (set aside the cliche please!) because his dialogue and symbolism are unquestionably original and inspiring. The actors in his films are also the best, Jean-Paul Belmondo & Anna Karina in particular.
My short films can be seen at: Youtube/Eagermarionette (The Great Gatsby, Revisited & I’m Gonna Gitcha)
gooollysandra 