We all think we’re open-minded until we come across something that we form an opinion about, or realize that we’ve held that opinion for quite some time without realizing it, and then all of a sudden we don’t feel so open-minded. We feel rather close-minded and judgmental. This has recently been occurring to me as I think about different things and almost unconsciously make a judgment about them without really thinking about them. It is somewhat bothersome to me, but at the same time, I don’t altogether disagree with the rash judgments I make because it must be how I feel instinctively and there is nothing wrong with how we really feel, even if we don’t like it sometimes. It’ just how we feel and we have to be true to that and not judge our judgements. Or should we?
Identity
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Establishing a place and identity has been difficult for me since I was born in Italy, lived there for 8 years, and then moved to the United States where I have spent last 14 years of my life. Wow, that’s a long time. I don’t like counting how long it’s been since we left Italy, so I often lose track of how long it’s actually been. But I’ve always had this conflict within me of not really knowing where I belonged. It hash’t been overwhelming to the point where I feel completely lost, but rather just indifferent to both Italy and the U.S. Despite being an American citizen and living in the U.S. for most of my life, I do not feel very American and certainly don’t feel patriotic in the least. At the same time, I can’t say that I feel very Italian either. I was born there and spent those early formative years of my life there, but I am not ethnically Italian, and therefore, was more like an outsider living in Italy. Of course, the Italian people are very warm and embracing, so we didn’t feel like intruders or out of place. I am extremely grateful for my childhood in Italy, as I realize this is an opportunity that not many American children have. I have the fondest of memories of my birthplace and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
That being said, my love for Europe and desire to go back exceeds my interest, or lack thereof, to remain in the U.S. and build a life here. But then again, my family is here in the U.S. and going to Europe on business seems challenging for non-EU citizens. So I suppose it will continue to be a conflict, but will hopefully be resolved at some point in my life, if I’m lucky.
Our place in societal roles, influenced by Downton Abbey
0It’s hard to know what to value in life and how to feel about societal roles when we’re in between a proper, aristocratic mindset and have taken on a more modern, liberal and informal attitude toward things. Perhaps we are no longer in between the two, but rather pretty far into the modern mindset. But as I like to think of the past, I do still care about propriety.
I was reminded of this recently when I was watching the third season of Downton Abbey, which takes place in the early 1920s when things are shifting away from the older aristocratic ways to a more open-minded attitude. Various people in the family have differing opinions – some clinging onto propriety, others (women especially) breaking out of the traditional roles in the home, and others still being pushed in one direction or the other by fellow family members (whether or not they agree is another question).
So as I watch Downton Abbey and observe how each character approaches what is proper and what isn’t, what is acceptable and what isn’t for a person of their stature, and how they find their place in the changing world around them, I think about my own attitudes towards important things that define our lives and the way we value things like money, education, family, manners, etc. I like to think that these things are still important, despite the shift for a more relaxed attitude towards life. I certainly embrace the positive advances we’ve made, particularly when it comes to the advancement of women, but holding onto a little bit of the past and what was valued in the past, such as Downton Abbey’s setting, I like to think that there are still some things which hold a certain amount of importance, like manners and cordiality, that we should not criticize. People may think of this stance as snobbish and elitist, but I don’t think it is. I think it is merely valuing the basic, important things in life that make us dignified people and there is nothing wrong with that.
Life transitions
0I recently made a big life transition – I moved away from home and started my first serious post-college job. Having graduated from college a year ago, I spent my first year out of college working a couple of part-time jobs that I wasn’t particularly fond of. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t like them, they just weren’t what I thought I would be doing after college. Getting your first ‘real job’ after college is exciting, but also scary. I was definitely scared/worried/nervous about moving far away from home, living by myself, and not knowing anyone in the town I was relocating to. But, as everyone does, I knew I needed to get away from home, gain independence, experience a new kind of environment, and do some soul-searching (i.e. figure out what I want to do with my life).
So, the transition has actually gone really smoothly. I love my new town and my new job (well, more so than what I was doing before anyway), and am actually enjoying the time spent alone. It can be scary and certainly sad and lonely, but only if you let it be that way. Spending time alone can be a great opportunity to think about your life, explore different things, and do things that you wouldn’t otherwise have time to do like read, watch movies/shows, exercise, go out and explore, work on projects, etc.
Taking that big first step is difficult and scary but, for me at least, it has been well-worth it.
My lovely new home
Fantasies
0We all have fantasies about what we want to do in life. But the question is, how do we decipher a fantasy from what we want to turn into reality? I’ve often thought about different things that I would like to do, like teach English abroad, make movies, be an interior designer…but I can’t tell if these are things I would actually do, or if I just like to think about them. What propels one to actually carry out an idea rather than just think of it as a fantasy? I think it takes a great deal of perseverance to carry out what you actually want to do. Sometimes it’s easier to settle for something that you might not like quite as much, but is still somewhat enjoyable.
A different world
0I recently had an encounter with someone on a completely different level from myself, just from a different world. I was out east visiting my grandfather in Massachusetts, and I met with one of my his former students that was in town and went to visit him. As she speaks about her life, it seems as though it is just so cultured and beyond what I can imagine to be someone’s actual daily life. She is Indian and she lives in Oslo and has also spent time in Singapore, she knows how to speak French Norwegian, and Hindi, besides English, she has had a successful career in finance working on Wall Street, she was educated in Ivy League schools, she lived in Paris when she was younger and then New York, she is married to a Norwegian, and she has three kids with very bright futures ahead of them. She also just built a nice modern house in MA with custom touches throughout. While in MA she plays golf everyday and enjoys summer plays. As I listened to her speak, I found her very cultured and interesting, but also privileged, critical, and pretentious. It’s great that she has had the background that she has and is able to live the way she can, but not everyone has the same opportunities. Not everyone has a multicultural, worldly family, not everyone can go to an Ivy League school, either because of prior education and grades or financial means, and not everyone can have a successful career in stocks. So while I was very interested in her and inspired by her as a model to aspire to, I was also discouraged because it seems unattainable for most people, including myself.
Weak muscles and bones
0I have recently become very aware of my bodily functions. Not so much bodily functions, but more so my muscles and bones. It is a strange feeling when you realize that your body is not indestructible and that your muscles and bones become weaker with wear over time. I have especially noticed it in my wrists, ankles, feet, and back. The scary thing is, that once your body starts to weaken there is no going back. Certainly you can exercise or have surgeries to restore certain ailments, but your original strength is gone. When I am aware and conscious of parts of my body that hurt or feel weak, I get a very strange tingling feeling and my body almost feels light, like it’s barely there and I can hardly imagine how it manages to do the things that it can and move around as it does. It’s very bizarre and I don’t quite like it.
Aesthetics vs Feelings
0There seems to be a separation or a divide between aesthetics and feelings. I often look at pictures of things…cities, nature, landscapes, interiors, & see them one way from an aesthetic standpoint and admire them. But then, when I think about how they might feel if surrounded by them, I wonder if I would have a different feeling…
gooollysandra 