gooollysandra

Thoughts on thoughts and images of beautiful things

4:42 pm - December 13, 2011 -

Movie Script

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Something I wrote for a film class this past summer…hopefully I can shoot it sometime.

INT. LIVING/DINING ROOM, KITCHEN – NIGHT.

MICHAEL walks in as MARIANNE is sitting at a table reading the newspaper. He sits down and they start talking.

MICHAEL

You’ve never thought about it?

MARIANNE

Thought about what?

MICHAEL

Whether our actions really have any effect on the outcome. Whether choosing one thing rather than another leads us down one path rather than another. We think our decisions and actions affect our future, but is this just an illusion? Maybe things happen regardless of our intentions. Things are what they are, and our decisions don’t make any difference. You know the philosopher, Wittgenstein…well he argues that, “the world is all that is the case.” That things just happen and our actions don’t make any difference at all.

MARIANNE

Of course I’ve thought about it. I just don’t know exactly what to think of it. I don’t think we can know whether our actions affect the future or not. Because if we act in a certain way and a certain outcome is achieved, how are we to know that the outcome would have been different if we acted in a different way? We can’t really, which is why we just need to act and see what comes of it.

MICHAEL and MARIANNE sip on coffee.

MICHAEL

Sometimes I don’t know what to think at all. Sometimes I feel totally thoughtless. I just can’t think of anything. I want to, but I can’t. What happens when I stop myself from thinking, or something stops me. I wish I could keep thinking but it’s like there is something blocking me from thinking and I don’t know how to overcome it. I feel I am so close to having a really good thought, but the moment passes before I am allowed to have that thought. Does that ever happen to you?

MARIANNE

Yes. I long to capture things. Capture anything. And everything. But is it ever really possible to capture anything before we lose it. But the moment passes, and I wonder if I could ever again have that feeling or have that thought. It saddens me because I wish to recapture it and hold on to it. But it is also reassuring because I know I can have many more of those unique moments where everything is so clear, and each new thought or feeling can be better than the last.

MICHAEL gets up to grab a newspaper and goes back to the table.

MICHAEL

Not all thoughts or feelings are so clear and enlightening. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from my feelings. It’s like I’m not really the one feeling them, but rather I’m watching them being felt from afar. This is very disconcerting. I want to feel my own feelings entirely. Not just halfway, or not at all, but completely. This is actually harder to do than you’d think. Because if you are immersed in yourself, rather than just a bystander, there’s no way out. You are responsible and held accountable for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. If you just watch yourself from afar, you don’t have to worry about being a certain way. But at the same time, you can’t be free either, because you can only be free if you are being yourself entirely.

MARIANNE gets up and sits on couch.

MARIANNE

What about love? If you have such difficulty feeling anything, can you feel love? I mean, what sets love apart? You can love someone, but what if someone else comes along that you may love just as much or more? Is there any difference between them? Or is love love regardless of who it’s for? Or is love for one person different from love for another based on their differences? Is love about you or them? If it’s about you, I suppose love would be the same no matter with who. But if it is about them, I suppose it would be different based on the person you love.

MICHAEL

I don’t want to talk about love. I mean, if I love someone, I want them to be all for me. In general, connecting with people is so hard. I want to connect with them fully or not at all. But only halfway doesn’t seem worth it, it’s so disappointing. To ever connect or love someone fully would be the greatest success. But I don’t think it’s possible.

MARIANNE

I don’t think it’s ever really possible to know what other people feel or think. We know how we feel and what we’re thinking, but that certainly doesn’t mean that’s what someone else is thinking, even though we may think we’re both feeling and thinking the same, and are therefore connected. But this is a false perception of connectedness. We choose how we feel, and not in relation to others because we don’t actually know how others are feeling or what they’re thinking. Therefore, we’re never really connected.

MICHAEL

I wish I cared more. About anything, everything. I think this proves how inherently selfish we are.

MICHAEL gets up and sits in chair next to couch.

MICHAEL

Enough about all this. Everything is so non-existent anyway. And me, being void of feeling, I don’t want to think about it anymore.

MARIANNE

Alright. Let’s talk about shadows.

MICHAEL

Every idea of yours is more bizarre than the last.

MARIANNE

That’s why you love me.

MICHAEL

I thought we already talked about how I can’t feel anything, especially not love.

MARIANNE gets up and walks around.

MARIANNE

Shadows. What are shadows, copies of what they represent, or a separate entity in themselves? They look just like what they represent, but only in form, not in content. They actually don’t really have any content, and they are just forms. So can they be the same? I mean, they can represent the same things, but are they the same?

MICHAEL

Honestly Marianne, what have you been drinking?

MARIANNE goes to kitchen.

MARIANNE

The same thing as you.

MARIANNE smiles.

MICHAEL

Do you ever realize how boring we’ve become? No one wants to spend time with us because we are so boring. People only want to be in your company if you entertain them. Clearly, we are not entertaining. That’s why we don’t have any friends left.

MARIANNE comes back and sits on couch.

MARIANNE

We have friends, and we’re not boring.

MICHAEL

I think it’s us that got bored with them. The problem with having superior interests is that you end up hating everything. And other people become boring.

MARIANNE

Have you ever noticed that thinking about our lives is much better than actually living them. When I think about things that I do, or things in my life, they seem so splendid. But then when I actually do them, or simply live my life, they’re not half as appealing as they were when I thought about them.

MICHAEL

Yes Marianne, you know I feel the same way. Maybe this is the root of our problem. Thinking about things is much better than actually doing things. That’s why we don’t do anything. In fear of acting outrageous, I’m scared to do anything. What does it take to ever just be real, and experience things?

MARIANNE

I think that is a conversation for another time. I’m going to bed, goodnight.

MARIANNE gets up and walks away

MICHAEL

You can’t go to bed until we’ve figured this all out.

MARIANNE looks back and smiles.

MARIANNE

We never will…

Category: Film Tags: ,
5:04 pm - December 12, 2011 -

“Once I wanted to be, someone I chose to be…”

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You know those moments when you are so inspired to be alive and be yourself? The self that you rarely are because you rarely have the courage or creativity to be…I had one of those moments recently when I went to Chicago. The city itself is so beautiful and culturally-rich that it inspires imagination from the moment you see the skyline as you approach the city. Once in the city, we went to a vintage fair filled with old treasures that brings one back to the past and back to oneself. After that we went to Wicker Park and perused all the cute boutiques and watched the people go by, including two French Bulldogs side by side and a dog tied up to a post that had a little mohawk, and ate some  fancy ice cream from the future. I don’t know what it is about being in the city and constantly surrounded by interesting people and sights that inspires imagination and creativity…but it works every time for me.

We finished the day by going to see Blind Pilot in concert. Going to concerts is one of my favorite things, because seeing live music, for me, brings out in me everything that I am and want to be. Cheezy, albeit, but I can’t think of any other way to describe it. I can’t forget the mild alcohol consumption that always makes for a good time. Am I right? I mean, let’s be honest. Anyway, seeing music being played makes me want to play an instrument and be in a band. My friends and I keep saying we’re going to start a band, with banjos and all haha, but it’ll probably never happen. I would play the keyboard, I think…the point is, that having the ability to elicit that emotion out of people that music does would be such a fun life pursuit.

Back to being oneself, we get so caught up with living our lives primarily surrounding our responsibilities, we seldom have the time or the energy to break out of that and simply live. Those few glimpses of ourselves that we get on occasions like this, being in the city and experiencing music (for me), or whatever it might be for you, may be all we get. And we cannot overlook them, as they occur so rarely.

Category: Uncategorized Tags: , , ,
10:56 pm - November 20, 2011 -

Logic

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As I struggle to do my logic homework, I wonder what the implications of not being able to think logically are. And whether or not simply not being able to do a logic problem means that I can’t think logically. How important are logic problems to our ability to reason? Based on my less than affectionate attitude towards logic, not very. The problem is, my brain just cannot seem to make the connection between logical symbolism and the premises and conclusions it is suppose to represent. Furthermore, I don’t particularly like logic, and therefore can’t seem to force myself to put forth the effort required to fully understand it.

The reason I am not very fond of logic is because to me, it sucks the life out of words. It’s goal is to simplify everything and, in a sense, create a universal language that everyone can understand through symbolism. While it may simplify individual words to symbols, these symbols do not convey any emotion to me. The reason I love words so much is because they convey emotion and feeling and life! Words can be ambiguous on purpose to leave interpretation up to the reader, and this is what makes words interesting and intriguing. Symbolic logic does not leave anything up for interpretation because it simply, and without emotion, states what it means. And this is bothersome to me. Another reason I struggle with logic is that it is very closely related to mathematics, an area of study that has seldom been my friend.

Although, I suppose I understand why people pursue logic…it can be a fun game at times, and it can be very clear-cut.

Category: Uncategorized Tags:
6:21 pm - November 3, 2011 -

Film

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Film is a passion of mine that inspires me to capture images in a way that gracefully represents the world and the lives in it. It allows us to manipulate time and the way in which things happen. This can be unsettling because it suggests that nothing is as it seems or appears, which is certainly true in some if not all instances. On the other hand, it allows for the possibility to create worlds that elude the restrictions of time and place. This is what makes film beautiful and renders it art in a way that no other expression of creativity can.

This past summer I took a film production class and made three short (very short) films. Although not the first time I attempted to create short films, it was the first time I had access to professional equipment and instruction. I had attempted to make a couple little films (music videos) some years back when I was younger and less experienced, and however amateur they were, they propelled my interest of film-making. Therefore I jumped on the opportunity to take a class in which I would learn more refined techniques and be able to use better equipment. The result were two literary and historically inspired silent pieces, which although not perfect by any means, I am quite proud of. As a group project I also made a dialogue scene, which I am less enthusiastic about. But overall, they were so fun to make and certainly would not have been the same without the people in them. I really hope to make some other films, as I enjoy the whole creative, filming, and editing process so much!

I also love watching films, which is perhaps why I became interested in making films. My favorite director is Jean-Luc Godard (set aside the cliche please!) because his dialogue and symbolism are unquestionably original and inspiring. The actors in his films are also the best, Jean-Paul Belmondo & Anna Karina in particular.

My short films can be seen at: Youtube/Eagermarionette (The Great Gatsby, Revisited & I’m Gonna Gitcha)

Category: Film Tags: ,
1:20 pm - October 21, 2011 -

“Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHEOF_rcND8&ob=av2n

This is one of those songs that makes me feel really at home. I travel back and forth a lot between two places, Indiana and Massachusetts, and when I’m away in MA, this song brings me back home. Upon hearing this song for the first time I immediately fell in love with it and had to further inquire. It’s something about the raw authenticity about the song and sincerity that makes me feel so connected to it. Isn’t that what music is supposed to do…? Elicit a connection between the music and the listener? I think so, and this song is so endearing, it’s really worth a listen or two. I love the idea of feeling at home wherever the one you love is, because I think it is so true and so telling of real love. So whether I am in Indiana or Massachusetts, I always listen to this song and it reminds me of where home is – with the one I love.

Category: Music Tags: , ,
10:53 am - October 2, 2011 -

MOVITS! – Fel Del Av Gården (Officiell) – YouTube

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MOVITS! – Fel Del Av Gården (Officiell) – YouTube.

Super cool Swedish hip hop/swing music! I just saw them at Lotus Fest in Bloomington, IN & they were amazing!

Categories: Foreign, Music, Music festivals Tags: , ,
10:14 pm - September 30, 2011 -

Lotus Festival, Bloomington

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I always feel more alive after I’ve visited Bloomington, IN. This past weekend I went there to share in the experience of Lotus Fest, and it was no exception. Lotus is an international music festival which brings exuberant live to Bloomington. Not that Bloomington isn’t always bursting with energy and culture, but Lotus brings in many out-of-towners that add to the mix. Lotus is an annual festival, but this is the first year I have gone, much to my dismay. I should have been going for years! This year’s festival featured musical groups such as Movits!, a Swedish hip hop/swing band, Bomba Estereo, from Colombia, Frigg, a group of Norwegian fiddlers, Strange Fruit, a performance art group from Australia, and many others. My favorite by a significant margin was Movits! They were pretty much the coolest thing I have ever seen, and I am so inspired to learn Swedish and go to Sweden because of them. So I definitely recommend checking them out!

If you have not been to Bloomington, IN, it really is a cool place. It’s so beautiful, nestled in the few and far between rolling hills of Indiana. A small town, which basically revolves around Indiana University, a very fine university by the way, and is filled with many cute boutiques, coffee shops, bookstores, and ethnic restaurants. The main square is beautiful, with a classic courthouse and one of my favorite coffee shops, Scholar’s Bakehouse. Kirkwood, the main street that leads to Sample Gates which open to the campus, is where all the cute boutiques are. 4th street is home to the ethnic restaurants, which range from Ethiopian to Tibetan, and Turkish to Thai. One can’t miss the cycling culture in Bloomington, as it is the host of the Little Five competition for cyclists. Road bikes are everywhere in Bloomington and they’re so pretty!

Lotus Fest is just another wonderful thing I enjoy about Bloomington, and I certainly recommend going, not only to experience Lotus but also to visit Bloomington.

Categories: Foreign, Music, Music festivals Tags: , , ,